天天的天天

不是丛林瀑布，不是鸟语花香，那只是童话。一张简单的床，一个黑白电视机，应该是14寸的那种，一张玻璃台面，经常在上面作业…….应该那就是我梦开始的地方，我的所有记忆，所有喜怒哀乐，我的人生，从这里开始。

先作业还是先电视，已经是一个鸡与蛋般永远无法解决的问题。时常父亲会翻出几本厚厚的只有我的身体还残留些许记忆的本子，笑容可掬的提醒我曾经一度的学字时期，以至于我总能很违心地向别人夸耀我多么早就开始接触汉字，尽管这一切我自己都毫无记忆。是的，记忆骗了我，它们都已不再。抚摸着厚厚的练习本，看着稚嫩的一笔一划，我多少次暗自欣喜，记忆里少一些痛，只有眼前的成果。如果人生所有事都能这样享受结果忘却过程，很多人都可以过得简单一些。

但也许这并不都是好事。

妈妈告诉我5岁的时候，曾经在8路公交车上和一个某国籍的白人老外（年龄性别身材不详）进行了长达数分钟的聊天，令我母亲自豪不已。无奈一样被记忆掩盖。英语变成一个要重新学习从零开始的东西。不过这样也好，可以让我清晰地记得学习的不易，成长的艰难。即使一个语言，获得也是一种经历。在与忘却的战斗中，痛苦也是一种工具，它帮助我保留，最大程度的保留我的生命，在我有限的记忆中。

这只是一间10平米见方的房间，有桌有床有碗柜有五斗橱有床头柜有电视机有电冰箱有洗衣机。当然还有简单的一家三口。我曾经一直希望多回想起来一些，我和每件家具的点点滴滴。但很难，只是依稀的。如同我在梦中伸手，却难以擦拭那衣柜上穿衣镜上我注视已久的一缕尘。没有一点触觉，连视线也是模糊的。梦里就有茫然的感觉。好像心套上了不透风的一层壳，每一次呼吸，都会觉得急促。有窒息的恐惧。也许那就是记忆最深处的东西。那里有很多离我很近很近，却消失在历史中的空白。也许是五年，也许是更长。

听说人老了之后，会有记忆极远时间的能力。希望有一天，我能简单地躺在藤椅上，作最深远的回忆，回忆我第一声啼哭，第一个笑声，第一次跌倒。然后心满意足地睡去。

Meanwhile, justice is something of no real existence as tables or chairs, an imagination balanced by mankind, the inventor of the word. Also it is an idea hard to define. Despite the reference of juries or judges, justice seems absurd enough, some objective results from some subjective process. It is often said that justice needs no reasons, maybe that is why sometimes justice is unreasonable.

First of all, justice is often in the hands of the minority and serves many others. In a court, most people audit, a few, who are called jury, assist, and the judge, the only one, gives the final answer, mainly based on barristers’ and solicitors’ “reasons” rather than justice itself, as I mentioned above--there is no real existence of such thing, and it is not uncommon to see eloquent barristers win the so-called justice with their tongues. What is more, even the audience did not come for justice, but for fun maybe, or some exciting words from the debate and sometimes, the appealing misery of the appellees, ugly nature of the mankind to appreciate the pity of the weak. Ideal justice is even hardly done in those professional places. Law, commonly-accepted representative of justice, plays tricks, and those law learners, “loyal followers of justice”, expect nothing but money from the practice of it, “Justice means salary, but to violate justice sometimes could mean more.”

Simply, money is always the base for life, but many and more fight for base as they can hardly survive due to some injustice in grades that can never be changed. People work for money, so anything else can be used as tools, personality, nationality, and even justice, and never will anyone be ashamed of it, “C’est la vie.” At the same time, to those rank higher, they may no longer be interested in counting money but something more, much more, even strange or we can say, ridiculous. They are looking for fun, something rare. Most end with the pity of congeners, which meet their internal desire to be superior and offer the chances for those money-earners. Both are happy, with the sacrifice of justice.

Outside, justice may also be subject to power. Violence, for example, is never expected by common people but on the opposite, often a preferable tool to do justice, which seems proved to be true. Up to now, prison is still the best place to punish crimes and gun the best tool to control terrorism. With the idea that Iraq people were in misery, war found its way, and the US declared the battle, in the name of “justice”: to save the people from poverty and pity, which seemed rare in Iraq people’s questionnaires. Finally, the “Justice” was done and the people were “saved”. Again, the US army as well as a lot of saved people prays for better life with the common sense, “life is no justice to them all.” Then, we come into a circle that we seemed to be approaching justice but actually leaving.

That is not pure justice, you may say. Someone used it. Yes, justice is here nothing but a huge toy that only someone can play. There is no exact definition of justice, so every nation may have his own. The US wanted justice for his towers were destroyed, and his people were killed and he asked terrorism for justice. But wasn’t the crash a justice some people asked the US for? Another form of war, the source of pain for common people, comes into being due to some unexplainable demands for justice here.

But there is an answer: more power results in more justice. The US won his by beating Iraq to death, and imprisoning Sadaam. He wanted others to say, “Justice is done” at the cost of much more, greater than he had expected. But after all, his justice was done.

Furthermore, justice is really something subjective. Einstein’s theory or relativity has given answer to many unsolvable problems, if that could be called an answer. Justice does not always act as the scales, both parts happy about the result. Gap exists everywhere, when someone seems satisfied with the result, some others must worry. Terrorism could be one of the obvious examples.

9,11 meant nothing but bloods and tears to the US, and terrorism arose hatred all over the world, seemingly, as those who sacrificed themselves for their belief may receive respect in their own nations. According to some people, justice should be absolute equal distribution of the God-no one could own more money than others. If so, they must receive some revenge, as their money can’t be so easily raised, some pain being necessary. It sounds reasonable or not? Hard to answer. There is no absolute justice, which could meet everybody’s demand.

Different background different base and different education always lead to different views, and different attitude towards justice. If so, how can it be achieved? Or if it means to be achieved, by who then? Human? Can’t be. Human beings, the only thinking creature on the earth, shows the greatest selfishness any other creatures can never imagine--certainly, they don’t have imagination ability. When every individual is thinking for himself or herself, justice as one of the belongings, cannot serve all and is thus destined to be limited. But justice can’t be limited, or it can’t be called justice any more.

Heroism as well as idolism most of time covers again the nature of justice. We want to be somebody rather than small potatoes, so we admire heroes who could be luckily uncommon and unusual even outstanding. Then, we get lost in the pursue, step by step we realize ourselves; step by step, we get farther away from equality, and at the same time, justice. God helps those who help themselves. Seemingly, efforts gain proper rewards. What heroes do is to inform some helpless the way, but the later fail to understand as they only focus on the results and therefore ignore the process. Then, crimes come into being, surprisingly as the result of heroism, while the pursue of justice may overthrow the goal thoroughly. What a pity!

When it comes to decide who can be the announcer of justice, another question arises. Man invented the word, and a series of standards to match. Modified from time to time, the topic seems reaching perfection, but at the same time, harder to handle. Any person can preside justice now? The answer is of no doubt. In democratic society, people look on at a side, rather than to stand out and claim the representative of justice. If so, others would call him a tyrant, with no doubt. The inventor can only act as the deliverer now, as well as a user on others. Interesting enough, justice becomes a tool rather than a belief or idol or something authority. The meaning of justice is nowhere to find, or maybe it has never been existing. 

To conclude, the topic of justice is of great weight, hard to afford or understand and never achievable. Every individual exerts their lifetime for their own goals, however exhausting it may be, so to make sure what they’re deserve could be got at end, they aspire for justice and try to believe justice is something there all the time. But in fact, there is not. Something else is there, in disguise.

Justice is something never in human hands. It used to be named power, rights or autocracy. Some individuals gave justice. At first, many others were accustomed to following. But soon, they wanted more, still justice maybe, and they fought, for something they called freedom. Finally, some winner got the right to announce “justice”, the so-called justice. Really, death occurred due to the pursue of justice.

The God must be smiling somewhere. Justice is actually a toy He is really fond of, to test personality, another toy He made to kill time. The omniscience knows of course humans’ pursue for justice and the exact desires behind. Men are born with desires, something pushes them ahead but meanwhile caused pains lifelong. The idea of justice kills no pain here, but add much to it, as there is no real justice in this world and can never be achieved, wherever there is human, wherever there is some thinking animals’ desire.